The Destructor

The Destructor

 

I will no longer mutilate and destroy myself in order to find a secret behind the ruins.
Hermann Hesse

 

We meet inner and outer Destructors as explosive forces, they can be (passive) aggressive, sabotaging or cause hurt and harm.

The Destructor might be able to control herself and not smash things up, but she expresses her anger verbally and hits others in their most sensitive points or turns inwards and consumes herself from the inside. Even when she keeps silent, her mere presence is distressing and devastating. The look in her eyes, her body language, gestures and tone of voice inevitably reflect her inner state and influence others in invisible and unspoken ways.

Even though the Destructor mostly finds a target to direct her anger and sabotaging force, the one who suffers most from all this is herself. Behind this lies an unmet need, an unheard voice, an unhealed and neglected wound, which she does not dare look at. She is afraid of looking inside and of confronting and acknowledging her own vulnerability. Maybe some of the wounds seem and were thought to be healed. But if they were not cleaned properly, the scabs might cover a breeding infection. The longing is thus transformed into anger, the yearning into rage and other energies that become destructive instead of supportive.

The longer she leaves her wound unattended and her needs unmet, the more she ignores them and pushes them away, the stronger her destructive force gets. With time she is likely to lose track of her emotions and she herself might not be aware of the source of that destructive energy arising in her. Therefore, she projects her needs onto others to act and be the way she wants them to be – and if they fail to do that, they inevitably become her target.

When you pick this card, you might be in touch with your inner Destructor or with a person acting this way. The Destructor secretly hopes that someone might come and help her out from this miserable state but the only person who is able to dissolve her anger or destructive energy is herself. She needs to be compassionate towards herself or meet compassion, to become aware of the unmet needs and unheard inner voices – and to express them to others if necessary. If the Destructor is able to make this essential step, she might also be able to transform the intense aggression into creative and constructive actions.

 

Question:

*Where are you destructive just because things aren’t the way you wish them to see? How do you express this destructivity?

*What strategies can you name to deal with your frustration other than destroying?

 

Exercise:

Do you feel angry, cynical, frustrated, or want to stop what you are working on? Take an internal step back and breathe. Welcome the feeling you have. Where do you feel it most strongly? Locate it in your body. Shift your awareness to this body part and keep on breathing. Do nothing else. Detach from your thoughts about it – they come and go, simply spend only little attention on them. Breathe and witness what is happening in you and in that body part. Maybe you meet sadness, pain or emptiness. You are welcome to express what is in you, just don’t direct it on other people and don’t harm anything or yourself. Welcome whatever is there. Take a deep breath with everything you feel. Be with your particular feelings for a little longer. The feeling will get smaller and less present at some point. (This exercise is not about getting rid of feelings but feeling them and acknowledging them. This alone can change your situation.)