The Saviour

The Saviour

 

“I don’t want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”

Unknown

 

Saving the world. Saving the whales. Saving biodiversity. Saving the poor from suffering. There are many tasks that need help in this world and we know how important it is to finally DO something to make a difference.

The Saviour definitely intends to follow a noble cause and act for something she finds just and important. Being able and willing to help is a great ability and essential contribution to all of us! However, we often find this ability to help entangled with a need “to be needed by others” or projecting one’s own needs. Saving can be like acting as a guardian for someone which easily becomes victimising, silencing or disempowering others. The game changes completely, when the Saviour steps back and engages to respond to true needs and to accept when people say “no, thanks, I don’t need your help”.

When you pick this card, you are invited to reflect on the difference between saving and responsible help. Is saving others or saving something like a strategy of yours to distract from your own vulnerability, your own borders? Do you project your own needs or story on to a situation?

When it’s about other people: Do I understand what the person needs? Am I giving people the chance to ask for help or to say no to my help?

When it’s about a global situation or the environment: Can I step away from identifying with being a Saviour and creating also Offenders and Victims? How can I help and act with dignity and let people maintain their dignity and self-responsibility?

 

Questions:

*Do you have a clear notion about your needs and borders?

*Do you respect someone else’s needs and borders? Are you ok when it feels contradictory?

 

Exercise:

Examine a situation in which you want to help. Take a step back, observe and if possible, consult the person. Find out what the true needs are. Support the person to find it out. When you have experienced a similar situation, park this story on the side. Respond in an authentic and honest way: What can I offer here? Is it in line with my own needs and boundaries? Offer your help and wait for the response. If it’s a no, step back. Carry on if not.